this is goodbye

June 12th, 2014

The first rain,  I am still deep under duvet, thoughts away from this world.
In that dream there's you, you who has been occupying my mind since that very moment that ignites everything  - at least for me.

You see, some people fall for each other at first sight but I couldn't say the same.
I guess it's safe to say I look at you different only what - 43 sights after? (that's really a wild number,
who's counting?)

Funny thing is,
if I could choose one word to describe that moment, I'd say magical
because don't laugh - time really stops for a while! time friggin freeze as you walk in
front of me in that very cold room  but all I feel is gush of warmth inside.

As I write this, I am thinking - do I look like an idiot back then?

I always feel I look like a fool  to you.
that clumsy, shabby girl
You make me insecure, but at the same time I receive something more - perhaps even larger than life itself
loving you is probably one of the best things I've done
because - here's the important part you need to know, I'm not even angry at you, not even bitter
it's because - even though that love is only one sided, unreturned, oh well darn it - unrecognizable
it keeps me going
&everyday I hope I bump into you, you'd say something
but then I see you on multiple occasions, and you dont say anything - I guess it's allright
bcos I know the kind of man you are

you, are probably the kindest soul there is, gentle, warm and oh well - so out of my league

I guess in this difficult time I am just looking for a way out
a light
a handle
anything that could help me get through

I know that's selfish of me, but I'm also being sincere
but I cant keep doing this
I cant chase something like this - matter of hearts is hard to address
and I get it now, why you are not the one
this is why I'm letting you go

this is why, good bye N