Friday, June 13, 2014

this is goodbye

June 12th, 2014

The first rain,  I am still deep under duvet, thoughts away from this world.
In that dream there's you, you who has been occupying my mind since that very moment that ignites everything  - at least for me.

You see, some people fall for each other at first sight but I couldn't say the same.
I guess it's safe to say I look at you different only what - 43 sights after? (that's really a wild number,
who's counting?)

Funny thing is,
if I could choose one word to describe that moment, I'd say magical
because don't laugh - time really stops for a while! time friggin freeze as you walk in
front of me in that very cold room  but all I feel is gush of warmth inside.

As I write this, I am thinking - do I look like an idiot back then?

I always feel I look like a fool  to you.
that clumsy, shabby girl
You make me insecure, but at the same time I receive something more - perhaps even larger than life itself
loving you is probably one of the best things I've done
because - here's the important part you need to know, I'm not even angry at you, not even bitter
it's because - even though that love is only one sided, unreturned, oh well darn it - unrecognizable
it keeps me going
&everyday I hope I bump into you, you'd say something
but then I see you on multiple occasions, and you dont say anything - I guess it's allright
bcos I know the kind of man you are

you, are probably the kindest soul there is, gentle, warm and oh well - so out of my league

I guess in this difficult time I am just looking for a way out
a light
a handle
anything that could help me get through

I know that's selfish of me, but I'm also being sincere
but I cant keep doing this
I cant chase something like this - matter of hearts is hard to address
and I get it now, why you are not the one
this is why I'm letting you go

this is why, good bye N


  1. My dear, I couldn't believe that you are falling in and out of love! I wouldn't advise you to fight for it, or even doing the opposite, but one thing I'm very sure is, if it's meant to be, then it is meant to be. So chill babeee~ :)

  2. Fedit, trust me i couldnt believe it either! haha macam pelik bila baca post ni balik like eww- i used to feel that way about a person? a friggin stranger? -pukes